Every year I tell myself Thanksgiving is going to be calm. The turkey will be done on time. The kids will sit nicely. Nobody will start a debate over whether the rolls count as a side. And every year I end up with flour on my jeans and a kid asking when we eat for the fourth time in ten minutes. That is exactly why I keep a stash of Thanksgiving jokes ready to go.

What actually saves the day? Jokes. Seriously. A good corny Thanksgiving joke at the right moment turns a hangry kids table into a giggle fest and gets Grandpa rolling his eyes in the best way. So I rounded up 50 Thanksgiving jokes that are clean, silly and perfect for every age at your table.

Grab a few for place cards, toss them in a jar or just read them out loud while you wait for the bird to rest (here is how I brine a turkey so it comes out juicy every time). Let’s get gobbling.

Thanksgiving Jokes for Kids

These are the ones my kids repeat for weeks. Short, punny and easy enough for little ones to tell all by themselves. If your crew loved my Halloween jokes for kids, these will be an instant hit.

1. Why did the turkey cross the road? It was the chicken’s day off.
2. What do you call a running turkey? Fast food.
3. Why did the turkey join the band? Because it had the drumsticks.
4. What did the turkey say to the computer? Google, google, google!
5. What is a turkey’s favorite dessert? Peach gobbler.
6. Why can’t you take a turkey to church? They use fowl language.
7. Why did the cranberries turn red? Because they saw the turkey dressing.
8. What do you get when you cross a turkey with a banjo? A turkey that can pluck itself.
9. Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
10. What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? Where is popcorn?

Funny Turkey Jokes

The star of the show deserves its own section. These turkey jokes are guaranteed groaners.

1. Why did the turkey say no to dessert? He was already stuffed.
2. What is the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The tur-key.
3. Why do turkeys always say gobble gobble? Because nobody ever taught them good table manners.
4. What do you call a turkey the day after Thanksgiving? Lucky.
5. Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected fowl play.
6. What is the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
7. What do turkeys like to do on sunny days? Have a peck-nic.
8. Why did the turkey cross the road twice? To prove he wasn’t a chicken.
9. Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course. The Empire State Building can’t jump.
10. What are turkeys most thankful for? Vegetarians.

Pilgrim and Mayflower Jokes

A little history lesson with a side of silly. These are great for school-age kids who just learned about the Mayflower.

1. If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.
2. Why did the Pilgrims’ pants keep falling down? Their belt buckles were on their hats.
3. What kind of music did the Pilgrims like? Plymouth Rock.
4. If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their age.
5. How did the Pilgrims bake their bread? With Mayflour.

Thanksgiving Food Jokes

Because let’s be honest, the sides are the real reason we all show up. If you still need the menu, my easy Thanksgiving recipes roundup has 32 dishes that make hosting so much less stressful.

1. What is the best thing to put into a pumpkin pie? Your teeth.
2. Why did the pie go to the dentist? It needed a filling.
3. What did the mashed potatoes say to the gravy? You’re always pouring it on.
4. What do you call a stolen yam? A hot potato.
5. Why was the green bean casserole sad? Nobody ever goes back for seconds.
6. What do you call a pie that tells jokes? A pun-kin pie.
7. Why did the gravy need a pep talk? It had too many lumps to work through.
8. What is the only thing more stuffed than the turkey? Me, by 4 p.m.
9. Why was the leftover sandwich so confident? It knew it was the best part of the whole holiday.
10. What did the turkey say to the pumpkin pie? You’re the only one here getting whipped cream.

Thanksgiving Knock Knock Jokes

Knock knock jokes are a rite of passage. My youngest will tell these to anyone who stands still long enough.

1. Knock knock. Who’s there? Arthur. Arthur who? Arthur any leftovers?
2. Knock knock. Who’s there? Gladys. Gladys who? Gladys Thanksgiving, aren’t you?
3. Knock knock. Who’s there? Anita. Anita who? Anita another slice of pie.
4. Knock knock. Who’s there? Dewey. Dewey who? Dewey have to wait much longer to eat?
5. Knock knock. Who’s there? Turkey. Turkey who? Turkey the door, I’m locked out!
6. Knock knock. Who’s there? Phillip. Phillip who? Phillip my plate, please!

Thanksgiving One-Liners for the Grown-Ups

These are for the moms, the aunts and anyone who has ever hosted. Totally family friendly but they hit a little different when you’re the one basting. Want something a little sweeter for cards and captions? Grab one of these Thanksgiving quotes.

1. Thanksgiving is the only day I eat like a teenager and nap like a toddler.
2. My diet starts Monday. Which Monday is still to be determined.
3. I am thankful for stretchy pants and the people who don’t comment on them.
4. Nothing says family tradition like the same yearly debate over who brings the rolls.
5. Cooking a turkey is easy. Getting it done at the same time as everything else is the real holiday miracle.
6. The best part of hosting is calling dibs on the leftovers before anyone else.
7. I don’t always count my blessings but when I do it’s usually between helpings.
8. Grandma’s stuffing recipe is a closely guarded secret. Mostly because she never wrote it down.
9. Thanksgiving is the one day a year my kids willingly sit at the table without a screen. Mostly.

Fun Ways to Use Thanksgiving Jokes at Your Table

I love a little something extra that makes the day feel special without adding to my to-do list. Here is how I use these Thanksgiving jokes every year, right alongside a few of our other fun holiday traditions with kids.

• Joke place cards. Write a joke on the inside of each place card and the punchline on the back. Everyone reads theirs before the meal.
• A joke jar. Print the jokes, fold them up and let the kids pull one out whenever the waiting gets rough.
• The kids table challenge. Whoever makes Grandma laugh first gets the first slice of pie.
• Lunchbox notes. Tuck one into lunchboxes the week of Thanksgiving to build the excitement.
• Napkin rings. Roll a joke into each napkin for a sweet surprise when everyone sits down.

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A few things that make joke time (and the whole table) a little more fun:

• Thanksgiving table conversation cards for when the jokes run out and you want everyone talking
• A Thanksgiving joke book for kids to keep the little comedians busy
• Turkey place card holders for your joke place cards
• A cute jar for your Thanksgiving joke jar
• The comfiest high-waisted leggings because I meant what I said about stretchy pants

Thanksgiving Jokes FAQ

Save These Thanksgiving Jokes for Later

I hope these Thanksgiving jokes bring a few extra laughs to your table this year. Which one is going to be your kid’s new favorite? Mine is still telling the Turkey the door one. And when it is time to settle in before the meal, these short Thanksgiving prayers are a sweet way to say grace together.

Don’t lose this list! Pin it to your Thanksgiving or holiday board on Pinterest so you can pull it up on Turkey Day, and follow along for more holiday ideas, family activities and easy hosting tips.